Writing is a solitary occupation and most writers seem to like it that way. If I took a poll of romance writers about how many consider themselves introverts or extroverts, I'm sure the result would be overwhelmingly on the introvert side. At one national writer's conference I attended, the keynote speaker referred to the audience as "a room full of introverts pretending to be extroverts." Her words made me laugh because it was so true. There was a time when I'd rather scratch out a book with a toothpick than enter a room full of strangers.

For many of us, published and unpublished alike, the thought of mingling en masse at a writer's conference is like going to a horror movie. You know you're going to be scared to death, but you're dying to go anyway. So, how can we change things? Is it possible for an introvert to learn to talk with editors and agents and other writing professionals with relative ease? My writer friend Stephanie, a true introvert about to attend her first conference, says no, absolutely not. She hyperventilates just thinking about it.

Well, I say yes, you can learn to schmooze. But to do it with ease usually takes time--and repeated applications. If you're willing to make the effort, each encounter will become more comfortable. Here's how to start:

It's all about attitude. Attitude is reflected in how we think of ourselves. How many of us think of ourselves as shy or introverted? If we think of ourselves that way, that's the image we present. When you enter a room, smile and imagine yourself as charismatic--a people magnet. Okay, maybe charismatic is pushing it, but remember, your attitude will show, and first impressions are important. Dress appropriately, smile and stand tall. Wearing clothes that make you feel professional and maintaining good posture will have an amazing effect on your psyche. You will appear--and feel--more self-confident.

"Yeah, sure," my friend Stephanie says, her voice filled with doubt and a bit of angst, and right now, she's starting to look a little peaked.

Stay with me, Steph. Appearances are only part of it. Ask yourself what is the common denominator of most people in the room? What is it that we all want? (Not counting a book contract or snagging that agent.) The experts say we all want to feel good about ourselves. If someone is interested in you, it makes you feel good and you enjoy being around that person. The trick is to stop thinking about your own anxiety and start thinking in terms of making the other person feel good. Dale Carnegie said it well, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

How true that is. I've always said--A man who makes me feel that I'm the most important person in the world when he's talking with me, is a man I'm sure to fall in love with. He "connects" with me. So, how do you "connect" with strangers? Some of the best advice is again from Dale Carnegie in his timeless book, How to Win Friends and Influence People:

• Become genuinely interested in other people. (Like attracts like.)
• Smile.
• Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
• Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
• Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Arouse in the other person an eager want.

"Okay...wait a minute," Steph says. "I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about the event. There's no way I can do all that stuff. It's not going to happen."

Yes, it can happen--if you plan ahead. Here's how:

1. Initiate conversation. A scary thought, yes, but it's much easier if you prepare a few lines to break the ice.
   "Hi. Are you enjoying the conference?"
   "Hey, you're from Nevada, we're practically neighbors?"
   "Congratulations on finaling in the Golden Heart!" (or making that first sale.)
   "Great workshops, wasn't it?"
   "I loved your last book." (Only if you've read it and it's the truth.)
   
2. Use body language--listen to and acknowledge what the other person has to say by giving physical clues. A nod. A smile.
3. Learn how to make small talk. Making small talk is a requisite at professional gatherings, and yes, that sounds scary, too. But remember, small talk can be about anything--from what's happening in the publishing industry to current events. Talk about books you've read, books you're both writing, the weather, a workshop, the keynote speaker or even the conference food. See...you already have a common ground with other people at the conference. Stay away from controversial topics...and smile.
4. Enjoy yourself--or at least try to look as if you are. If you're having fun, those around you will feel compelled to join in.
5. Ask questions to get people to talk about themselves. We all love to talk about ourselves--it's human nature. Asking questions is a way to discover shared interests--the first step in making that "connection."
6. Look into the other persons' eyes when speaking. Don't glance around the room for someone more important.
7. Treat people the same--the anxious person next to you could be tomorrow's best-selling author--or an agent or editor. Yes, editors can be anxious, too.
8. Seek out others to talk to--before a workshop, after a workshop, in the elevator. Small conversations lead to bigger ones. You may see the person later and you'll already have a connection. If you're uncomfortable, seek out another person like yourself, someone who's alone and looks as if she might need emotional support. You may be the only person she's talked to all day and she'll be grateful.
9. Did I say smile?

Many of the people there will feel exactly as you do, so, put on your best smile, enjoy yourself and have fun with the people you meet. And remember, we all need ego food--sincere praise and support from others that makes us feel good. Practice giving out a little ego food and you'll be surprised at how good it actually makes "you" feel. If you feel good, schmoozing will be all that much easier--especially at the next conference.

****************************************************************************** Information and ideas for this article were gathered from: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, and "Basics for Working the Room" by Rhonda Macy in Business First of Columbus, April 7, 2003.
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A FEW DON'TS:

1. If you see someone you desperately want to talk to, but she's engaged in conversation, don't interrupt. Check out the body language for clues regarding the intensity of the conversation.
2. Don't hang with your buddy the whole time. Try sitting at a luncheon table full of strangers. I've met some of the nicest people that way. Even an editor. If you do stay together, introduce your buddy to other people and have her do the same for you.
3. Don't track down an editor or agent and trap her in a conversation about your book. Editors and agents take appointments to find out about your work.